What or who I’ve lost due to the pandemic

The ability to “hug”.
Hugs are necessary, a form of human touch which say “I care”.
– Judy

My sister, Catherine Davis.
She was the most caring, loving woman and she will be missed dearly by her family and all that knew her.
– Tywana

My grandfather, Michael Simon.
My grandfather was amazingly optimistic and a great supporter. He loved unconditionally and loved telling stories about his time in the United States Air Force.
– Sabrina

The ability to comfort my friends.
In September I was with one of my oldest friends at the Bellevue ICU, holding his hand as he took his husband off of life support. A victim of a hit and run crossing the street while going to the barber. The pandemic has taken away my ability to be with him and so many other friends to comfort them in person.
– Mary

In person interaction with my co-workers.
-James

My sweet grandfather.
My grandfather’s youthful spirit, love for music, and the willingness to be unapologetically authentic.
– Natalie

Two family members, Felipe Briones and Segundo Briones.
They were two very loved individuals. They always protected and cared for their families. Family was always their main priority.
– Melina

Spending time with my kids and my parents.
– Erica

I took care of my first Covid patients last March, and had my first severe patient March 26, I was working for a multiple site agency, not CUCS at the time, we nurses had no PPE, we created what we needed. I was wearing a garbage bag watching this dear lady’s O2 Sats plummet, we went thru three tanks of 02, I ran up and down stairs getting her new tanks (the Elevator was broken at the site). DD was crying and begging for her mom…it was heartbreaking. We were the exact same age, that was so sobering. She had been fine 24 hours earlier, no symptoms at all, within hours she had severe Neuro and Respiratory symptoms . I called EMS and it took 5 hours for them to get to us. We took her down the stairs -5 flights, and my phone fell, she clung to my arm terrified, and pulled at my garbage bag, when we got to first floor we found my phone, very cracked and still working. She did get taken to a hospital, it took many more hours to find where she ended up, I did not know until the next day. To this day I am not sure if she died upon admission or while being transported. As an older nurse from the AIDS epidemic, I was shocked watching this unfold. I had never had to wear garbage bags before, or make masks and PPE. Every day I look at my cracked phone and remember DD and I say a prayer for her and her family. Since that first month, I have now lost friends, coworkers, long time nurse friends and neighbors, and friends from NYC and other states. My Street in Brooklyn, I have watched so many ambulances come and go the 10 weeks of last spring, day and night….it was heartbreaking. NYC lost over 20,000 people in 10 weeks, we don’t talk about that. NYC lost so many amazing people in such a short time, and we could not grieve together or grieve the losses.
I wish NYC had a wall where we could post all their names and photos, a permanent wall, where they could be remembered. Where we could stop by to leave flowers and still grieve for all those we lost. (Similar to the 911 Memorial site, as New Yorkers we really need that ).
– Allie

As part of the CUCS Community, I mourn the loss of lives among us and family members and regret the hardships many suffered due to having COVID-19. The pandemic separated me from direct contact with the CUCS staff during the past 10 months, which is an immense void.
Remember those we have lost and the importance of maintaining our caring community and bond.
– Tony

I have been among the lucky ones and somehow emerged from 2020 without losing a loved one to COVID but at the same time, I felt a larger sense of loss for so many small things throughout the year. November 30, 2020, was my first anniversary with my husband Jon. Essentially, the entire first year of our marriage was under the thumb of a pandemic. And thanks to the lockdowns and restrictions, we both lost the ability to celebrate the way we wanted. It’s obviously such a small thing in comparison to the human loss that so many have felt, but the lost opportunity to travel to Kansas City to defrost and eat the top tier of my wedding cake is something that I will never be able to get back. And it hurts.
Despite not being in Kansas City, not having our real wedding cake and not being able to be with our families, Jon and I were gifted with the opportunity to start our own traditions. What I will remember about this past November 30th is that I am still married to someone great, someone who spent hours to learn how to make dumplings and gift them to me, knowing that they’re my favorite food. And ultimately, I try to remind myself that the cake will probably be just fine after being in the freezer for 2 years instead of just 1.
– Celeste

A friend named Jim, a cousin named June, and the opportunity to freely interact with CUCS staff throughout the agency.
Jim was a kind and loving person with a special gift for working with children.
– Joe

Willie Moore, HASA Housing Specialist.
Willie was a bright face, with a shining smile who was a true partner in advocating for client needs at HASA. His kindness and client-first approach is missed. He had an easy laugh, a gentle voice, and genuine care for people at The Lee.
– Nancy

Clients and friends.
They mattered. Their lives mattered. We, as a nation, could have done better. We should have done better. We have to do better going forward.
– Rebecca

Ricardo Castaneda. A former colleague.
He was a great cartoonist and had a good sense of humor in the midst of chaos.
– Van

Aunt Laura.
She cared deeply about her family and the world.
– Abby

I was fortunate not to have lost any family members or friends to the pandemic but I do miss interacting in person with my family, friends and co-workers.
-Linda

I have lost the ability to communicate with my mother. My mother lives in a nursing home in Colorado. She is 88 and has advanced Parkinson’s Disease. Because of her condition, she can not easily speak or hold a phone. The last time I saw her in person was the week before the pandemic shut down. Normally I would have visited in person a few times since then. Staff try their best to help with occasional face time calls but they are very busy and my mother is often unable to participate when they are available to help.
She voted in the 2020 election! Politics are important to her.
-Julie

A client I had been working with for a couple of years died on April 13. He had been looking forward to returning to his job in concessions at Citi Field (the Mets stadium), a position he had held for the entire baseball season in 2019. When the pandemic hit, and we realized that baseball was on hold, I had assisted him with applying for pandemic unemployment benefits. When I called for our scheduled phone appointment on Tuesday, April 7, he reported having a fever and a severe cough. I immediately coordinated with his HCBS care manager to try to make sure the client had food and necessary medication so he could quarantine at home, and ensure he was in contact with his primary care doctor. I called the client every day to check in, discuss how he was feeling, and ask whether he needed anything. The last time I spoke with him was on Friday, April 10, when the notes scribbled in my paper calendar say, “coughing, but no fever anymore; feeling better – feel good right now.” But the first thing on Monday morning, I got a call from his care manager telling me he had passed away.
He was a funny guy, and very determined. His expectations of me were very high, and he was vocal in criticizing me when he felt I had fallen short! He had a strong sense of what was fair, and was a fierce self-advocate.
– Frances

My sweet uncle, Husam.
His love for everyone, his energy, and his big smile that lit the room.
– Ahlam

I am so grateful and blessed to report that I did not lose any of my immediate family members or close friends to COVID-19. However, my significant other tested positive COVID-19 and experienced all of the symptoms. It was scary for me and the children to hear talking as if he was going to die. I thank God and all the medical staff that did everything to bring my significant other and father of my children back home. He is doing extremely well and in good spirits. My heart aches for those families that lost someone they love. My condolences goes out to all those that have been effected and affected.
COVID-19 is real and you can’t be too careful; you have to be extremely careful and follow all CDC guidelines.
-Jacqueline

My Mother Lydia.
My mother loved to knit, sew and most of all loved playing the slot machines in the casino. She was loving and very nurturing. Full of life – her grandkids were her life. There was nothing I valued more than her love. She has left a void in our hearts. Her love will forever live through me and my children.
-Gladys

My hope for New York City in 2021

A fair and fast roll out of the COVID vaccine program. Laughter. Remembrance and celebration of the efforts of our frontline workers.

Survival and healing.

That we all hang in there and work together to get ourselves to a better place as soon as possible.

I hope that New York City comes roaring back in 2021, the way it always has when someone or something tries to bring it down. New York City can take a beating and come out stronger on the other side. Here’s to a 2021 in NYC with more art, more joy, more dinner parties, more friendship, more bagels, and more of everything that makes this city the place of so many peoples dreams.

Tacking the pandemic in NYC, nationally and abroad, including less wealthy countries.

That we get this pandemic under better control, that the rest of the country starts wearing masks and distancing and being careful. That as many as possible get vaccinated. That everyone that is still recovering get the care they need. (I also am a long hauler, I had the virus for 18 days last spring. So wanting care for everyone recovering is real). Last March, March 22 I made a video that was put on NY1 news requesting people to please wear a mask, I was one of the first nurses in the City to publicly request people mask up, it was so hard then getting people to wear a mask, but until this pandemic is under control nationwide we will all have to keep wearing masks and being careful.

Vaccinations for everyone!

That we come back bigger and stronger!

That we continue to look out for one another, with the understanding that one persons’ actions can impact many, positively or negatively. And that New York City community continues to fight for social justice, pandemic or not. And that we continue to let ourselves grieve and honor what we have lost, while still looking forward to a bright future.

Stability, safety and health for ALL.

That we emerge from the pandemic with a shared spirit of caring and the ability to be together in joy again.

That everyone has a happy, successful and healthy 2021.

That we can rise from all that we lost and become a city of one and not a city of two for those who have and those who do not have.

The controversy about the vaccination is explained, and the hesitancy from many is confronted and talked about.

That all New Yorkers have access to quality healthcare, affordable housing and that Black Lives will Matter.

That each person is able to get a vaccine as quickly as possible and that the city take significant steps towards achieving racial equity.

To recover from the pandemic.

I hope that vaccine distribution will improve and that everyone will be safe, protected, and well. I hope the inequities that were further exposed by the pandemic can be better addressed/corrected. I hope New Yorkers can feel a heightened sense of community, and will embrace the responsibility to care for each other and support one another.

For schools to return to a regular schedule and that we can enjoy gatherings with love ones.

For this pandemic to stop claiming more lives. Never being able to say goodbye and be with your loved ones is by far the hardest thing to accept when you lose someone.